You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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