Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
