I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
