He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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