Soap is not a condiment
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
