they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
