just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
