I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize