I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
