so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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