turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
