Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
