My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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