We named our party play list daddy issues
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
