brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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