yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize