you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
