as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you inspire me to be a worse person
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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