He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
