At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
