ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
