3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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