A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
