Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
