When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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