so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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