Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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