When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize