Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
