i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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