This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
