I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
