You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
