need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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