just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize