recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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