Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
