I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
