Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
