Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
