I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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