there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bring me that man meat
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
