we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
