From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
