btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
