Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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