Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
