I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
