Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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