i just had sex bonerless
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
