So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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