saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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