I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize