It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
