I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
