you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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