I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
