Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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