She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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