Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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