Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
