is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
