Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
