You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize