Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
