What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
only you would photoshop your dick
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
