I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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