I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Panties = found
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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