There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
