He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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