There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
