My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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