If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize