I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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