He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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