I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
