i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
there is glitter all over my balls
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
