I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
