i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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