Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
