If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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