I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
false alarm. still invincible.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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