K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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