so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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