I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
