I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
