Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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