just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
