Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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