Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
