Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
