I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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