Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
