My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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