The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize