How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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