dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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