Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
