Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
