oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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