Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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