I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
