The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
