Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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