at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
