my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Text me some of your sweat
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
