I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
